I've been busy lately. I applied for the AmeriCorps all the way across the country and have been all fluttering about getting ready. That's my kind of life--environmental work in Arizona, camping for days and days in a row, volunteering, with other people. I've always wanted to visit Arizona, but everybody told me "There's nothing to DO in the desert!" I don't care--I just wanted to go there and groove on everything out there. This'll give me a chance to get outta North Carolina for a change.

I just wanna go out west. I figure this is just as good an excuse as any to go. Everybody wins! I get to live the kind of vagabond life I wanna live, and the environment gets a lot of help as well! New trails are built, invasive species are removed, habitats are recreated. Hooray!

I've apparently gotten a lot stronger lately, too. O____o My mother told me to move the couch and I lifted and moved it all by myself. I guess eating spinach really does have its benefits.

Lunar Lullabye
Another dark night has finally passed
My frenzied mind has slowed--at last!
6 AM--it's been a long time coming
Yes, it's bedtime now

I lift the blinds, peer outside
Nothing else in the world is alive
Only me--only me, the night, and the moon above

It is now that she speaks to me--
now that she shows me her magic
Now--that she and I are one
Sweet Selene tucks me in
And with a gentle silver kiss--
good night

Sung to sleep by the peepers
Rocked gently by the springtime breeze
I settle in with the sinking moon
And say my little prayer--
"I see the moon, and the moon sees me;
"God bless the moon, and God bless me"

My mum--and most of the rest of my family--seems to be thoroughly convinced that I'm writing the next Great American Best-Seller. I don't know why. While I do love writing and I'm always scribbling something down, I've never really thought about publishing any of it. I just don't think my stuff is QUITE that good--not my fiction, at any rate. My fiction is more of just an escape for me, something I pour my time into when I'm bored with this world and wanna visit a new one. (I wouldn't mind seeing Working-Class Heroes as a comic-book or a television cartoon, though--I really think that'd be fun to see.)

I'm more confident in my nonfiction and poetry than I am in my fiction. My fiction is fun, but I think my nonfiction and poetry is better-written and more thoughtful. I don't think it's the greatest thing in the world, by any stretch of the imagination, but I think I'm pretty good in both respects.

If I were to publish anything, I'd put out either a collection of thoughts/poetry or a children's book. I love children's literature, and personally, I think I'd be good at cranking out something thoughtful, appealing, and cheerful for the chilluns (all ages, ideally, actually). I don't know what it'd be about, but I'd probably have a girl as the main character. Most of the guys have the cool adventures in children's books and the girls are playing dress-up instead; I think it's time for a girl to have a wild adventure!

I've been wanting to go to Myrtle Beach on a little short backpacking trip for awhile, but I'm having trouble finding someplace to set up camp.

But I've also wanted to go to California forever--I've got so much I wanna see on the west coast. I'm sick of the east, as much as I really, really love Myrtle Beach. I'm kind of caught between the two options--on the one hand, I want a one-way ticket to California (and the general west) so I can find something great there; I want to go to San Francisco and Berkeley and Los Angeles and visit the deserts and see Seattle and all those other places.

But on the other hand, I want this little test-trip to Myrtle Beach--I just want to enjoy the things down there that I love without the interference of drunkards who just want to hang out at the local bars. That's basically it--a quick rehash of all of my usual beach haunts, then onward to the next great adventure.

I don't know whether Mum would help me with both of these trips--I don't need a LOT of help, mind you. It's more of a moral support thing (and spotting me $139 to go to California on the bus). I'm more-or-less prepared for travel at any time I leave the house--I've got a hell of a lot of supplies in my backpack. But I want to go somewhere and find Something. I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, but I know it's Something important.

I want to go to both of these places; I just want it to get warmer and brighter out before I do go anywhere long-distance. The Myrtle Beach trip would be a short practice test--to see if I really CAN make it Out There. Moving to California would be the final exam. Going out there and being there, somewhere where I can be among friends... I'm gonna put some flowers in my hair and collect my things and move on.

But I wonder--could I convince Mum to spot me that trip for a birthday present, and perhaps a couple of nights' stay in Backpacker's Paradise Hostel? I don't know.

On the other hand--...

HOLY FUCK WHEN DID I GROW AN EXTRA HAND?!

A random thought:

For all the Biblical thought of "God loves us and wants us to live good lives," I note that a lot of his most outspoken lunatic supporters seem to be very distinctly against anybody having a good time.

Sure, I believe that God loves us, and wants us to have a good time while we're here. I think that's why we've got such good stuff--songs, sunrises, pleasurable sex--going for us--we're here to enjoy all that great stuff we were given while we're here on this particular plane of existence. I also think that we're all different, that we have different things that please us--hey, I enjoy sitting on the side of the river and digging my nails into dirt, while someone else might enjoy playing videogames on the computer. Different strokes and all that. That's not the kind of thing I'm talking about.

What I'm talking about is that a lot of God's Holy Folks seem to work themselves into a sweaty fervor when anybody is seen enjoying themselves. Rock n' roll. Heavy metal. Some different forms of dancing. Sex. GAY sex. Herbal enjoyment. When enjoyed responsibly, these things are great. Enjoying these little presents that God--or Whatever--gives us is part of why we're here, I believe.

But a lot of folks line up around the block and complain very loudly about it. Waving signs, trying to get laws passed, trying to raise "awareness" through misinformation and faulty propaganda. "Those children are listening to Black Sabbath! Stop them! Those girls are buying birth-control pills and being responsible about their futures by attempting to prevent unwanted babies! SOMEBODY STOP THEM! THOSE TWO MEN ARE HOLDING HANDS AND KISSING! WON'T SOMEBODY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP THEM!?" Harmless activities, all! There's always a few bad nuts who spoil the whole bunch, but that's just it--it's a few of them. Most of the sane folks are enjoying it and not bothering anybody in any way.

Their defenses usually come in the form of "It's for the CHILDREN!" or "God wants us to live this way!" I've got problems with both of these statements.

One: "For the CHILDREN!" Look--if you don't want your kid participating in this stuff, then parent them the way you want. The village shouldn't be the sole entity raising the kid--you, as their parents, should. Keep an eye on your own chilluns and make sure they don't get into anything that's too grown-up for them. Alternately--let them GROW UP a little at a time. Don't seal them into a cocoon and only allow them a glance at the world when it's a nice and shiny time to do so. Much as I like to pretend otherwise, the world isn't all rainbows and ponies.

Two: "God wants us to live this way!" Well, if God seriously wants us to be miserable robots, totally conformed and conditioned into one massive hive mind of morality, then I hang up my hat entirely from my search for God-or-Whatever-it-is-Out-There. If this is God and God's feeling toward humanity as a whole, then I want no part of it--I'll live outside the church doors, thanks, even if I have to dodge lightning bolts in my dance.

Relax, folks. We're only here for a little while. Enjoy it while you can. Don't work yourself into sweaty fervors over such trivial matters. Lay back; look at the sky; take a deep breath; relax, and enjoy the world around you. Allow yourself to see and feel instead of being blinded by anger, hatred, fear, and "moral" outrage. Look through the eyes of love, and you will really see. And then you'll be able to free yourself and maybe you'll laugh once in awhile.