In Pink Floyd's "The Wall", the wall is meant to represent a barrier we build up between ourselves and other people to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. But as the movie might illustrate, this wall can become too high and too thick. We can completely cut ourselves off from others and become dead inside from the lack of feeling and warmth. But we've all got our walls.

Pink's is portrayed as a high, thick stone wall, surrounding every inch of him.

I think my wall is made out of thick redwood logs, with gates open every few feet, to allow people in. But the gates slam shut without warning and lock themselves for several days on end sometimes. It's a very high wall, but it allows people in and out. When I've got it open to visitors. I refuse to allow myself to become too attached to people I meet. There are a few different reasons for it: A) to avoid letting myself get hurt by close relationships, B) to avoid being tied down by anybody or anything, and C) I'm paranoid about annoying other people and scaring them off. I prefer to peer at them over my wall, eyes darting about nervously. Keeping an eye on things. I'm an observer. I don't interfere in anybody's life; in fact, I try to stay away from bothering anybody altogether.

I'm not sure why I've even got such a high wall around my feelings. I didn't have a bad childhood, I've never had anything really really bad happen, I've had some good friends in life. Who knows how I came out this way?

My heart is open to curious visitors at any time of the day. But I often herd them outside after a couple of meetings. I don't want them to become a permanent exhibit within the fortress.

Perhaps the only people I'm extremely attached to are the people I don't even know--my heroes, like Abbie Hoffman, Emperor Norton I, Yoko Ono. I admire them from afar and keep an eye on their lives. I love them very much. But I like the way I feel when I look upon them; I'm not tied down by this kind of love. Yoko and Ringo and all the other stars I admire acknowledge their fans, but don't form a close relationship. I'm more interested in casual friendships. I'm too paranoid to be a good close friend. But I'm good at keeping secrets. I'm like a wall myself sometimes.

In other news: I don't know why the fuck I'm so emo this weekend. The Week of Massive Bleeding ended last Tuesday, nobody's caused me any personal trouble, nothing out of the ordinary has happened. wtf, brain.