New song obsession: Pete Townshend's "Let My Love Open the Door."

I intend on leaving my heart under lock and key, personally, but it's a wonderful song anyway. :3 I'm not completely opposed to love; it's just paranoia about being left alone, and a peculiar obsession with independence that I've gotten. I don't want to be tied down by anything, and that means I've avoided forging very close relationships with anybody. I'm not even all that close to my family. About the only thing they know about me is that I happen to live in the house and I slink out of my room occasionally to hike up to the drugstore.

And besides, I've had enough of romance. I'm working on feeling simple compassion for all other members of the Earth family. It's something we're all sorely missing, and we should try to bring back. If people just cared a little bit for their neighbor, regardless of who they are, perhaps the world wouldn't be so miserable. But instead, I see love wasted on just one person who's close.

Perhaps another cause of my aversion to romantic/sexual love is the fact that my first two boyfriends didn't turn out too well. Sean, Boyfriend #1, dumped me for a television set. Over Instant Messenger. And he never talked to me again. I imagine that'd leave anybody scarred--Jesus, help someone avoid suicide and you'd think they'd be a little more grateful. Eric, Boyfriend #2, was a codependent whiner who had absolutely no dreams or ambition, and was very apathetic. Ugh. I can't stand it when people become too dependent and follow you around like a lost puppy! And I can't stand the mushy shit that most couples do--candlelight dinners and sweet nothings and all that. Let's go see bikini mud wrestling and see who can come up with the best weird insults and hike across the Appalachian Trail instead!

I don't wanna be put on a pedestal (that was Eric's problem). I don't wanna be superior or inferior in any way to my partner (should I ever, by some bizarre cosmic chance, net one); rather, I'm more interested in having a best friend.

But then again, how many people want to shack up with a hitchhiking, music-junkie, Abbie-Hoffman-obsessed hippie?

I guess I've got nothing to worry about. XP