It's been awhile since I last pulled an all-nighter. I think I'm up for doing it again. Just because I'm bored and I'm not sleepy (I got up at about 4 PM yesterday, after all).

The downside of this, of course, is that I think when I've got nothing better to do and when I'm not sleepy. Thoughts are a wonderful thing. They keep me company, and for that, I'm grateful. Anything to lessen the "people are strange!" vibe. But thoughts can also remind you of yourself. I like myself quite a bit, actually; but there are little things I pick at about myself. Things that just won't go away. Irreversible things that I had no part in at all, but I still feel so strong about.

My heroes are dead. (For the most part.)

Few people support my dreams.

I don't have many not-online friends.

I don't really have any exceptional talents. Except I can pick my nose with my thumb.

But then I'm also reminded of good things about myself.

I'm a dreamer, and where would the world be without dreamers?

I've got so many imaginary friends that I'll never be alone, if ever I should be abandoned by the rest of the world.

I've got a lot of Good Ideas.

But then a question arises--who am I, and how am I defined?

How is anybody defined?

I suppose part of it is the Evangelion Answer--others define you, and without human interaction, you're nothing; without people's perceptions and notions about you, you don't know much about yourself. You know some things about yourself. Concrete facts. I wear glasses because I'm nearsighted; I have muddy-colored hair; I love the Beatles and the Who. But what do you know about yourself when you don't know what other people think at all? You THINK you're Jesus Christ Jehovah Lord Almighty God because you've never met people to tell you otherwise--that you're human, you're very creative, intelligent, funny, whatever. We all define one another as something or else, even if we don't mean to do it.

I suppose the other part of it is the Deep Answer--you define yourself and nobody else can. But then--what if you think you're Jesus Christ Jehovah Lord Almighty God? Nobody has ever told you otherwise. To your knowledge, you're perfect. What should you care?Then again, what the hell do I know?

I suppose that I'm so lost sometimes because I spend so long removed from other people--though I'm honestly trying to correct this. I don't even know what my own parents think of me. I don't have any friends to point out some of my strengths and weaknesses. So I either think I'm all strengths or all weaknesses. I've never struck up a balance with myself. And since I don't have anybody to keep me company--nobody to define me--I suppose that makes me a "free spirit", and that's pretty cool. But sometimes freedom can be a very lonely place. I'm so free I'm lost. But at the same time, I feel like I'm trapped by the world sometimes. And here I am, floating around like Lucy in the Sky, pondering myself, God, and the Meaning of Life. With nothing to anchor me, I merely float away into the strange fairy-land of dreams, thoughts, and wishes.

I certainly don't wish to be restricted--but an anchor or two to the rest of the world would be nice. I want to be free to fly as a bird does, but at the same time, I'd like to stand and feel the sand between my toes.

Perhaps I could be a mad giraffe.

What do you think?