Awhile ago, I read a batshit essay about how superheroines in comic books should bear children. Only recently, after my rekindled obsession with superheroes and comic books, have I been able to babble out a semicoherent response.

Can you think of how fucked a superhero's kid would be? There are lots of canon examples of superheroines who have kids that wind up pretty screwy. How many kids do Cyclops and Jean Grey have now, and how many of them are evil in an alternate timeline? Being superheroes, I don't think they'd have a lot of time to devote to their kids. Because, quite often, the most complex matters are reduced to black and white terms in comic books, the superheroes in question would have two choices: either let evil take over the world or keep an eye on the kid. Yeah, they could hire a nanny or something, but can you imagine the screening process they'd have to go through?

And never mind the superheroes never having time to spend with their kids--could you imagine how often the kid would get brainwashed, kidnapped, serve as a human shield, or become cannon fodder? How many times has that happened to Jimmy Olsen (Superman's adopted son at one point)?

Let's say that the kid had superpowers of its own. Okay. He can defend himself from supervillains. How long until the book focuses solely on the superchild instead of his parents? It would be kind of understandable if the heroes retired--didn't the Green Arrow do that at one point and let his son take over?--but in the case of, say, Superman, he isn't retiring anytime soon. Superman will not retire until the literal, physical planet has crumbled to dust.

Sometimes the superhero-with-kids thing can work, but most of the time, the kid is fucked if he's born to superheroes. Either they're not getting much attention, or they're kidnapped every other week.