So, recap: House burned down back in August, have been staying in Breeder Hell ever since.
Don't get me wrong--I love my mother. She's awesome. It's the CHYULDRUN and their Duh that I can't stand. More and more often, though, I seem to be stuck babysitting these kids. I don't know why. Yeah, I never have anything to do. I never plan my activities for the day. It's more a spur-of-the-moment thing, in which I'll wander off at random and not return for several hours just because I'm out enjoying the country scenery rather than wasting my time around Duh Supreme. I've got nothing better to do, honestly. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

But here's the thing--these kids? They're in their early teens. You'd think they have sense enough to keep an eye on themselves by about 12 or 13. They know how to operate a telephone in case of emergencies. (Hell, they know the emergency numbers better than I do. The only emergency number I know for certain is 911.) They know not to swallow the stuff under the sink. They've been told not to play in traffic and not to go back into the woods and not to poke roadkill with a stick. They've been told not to hitch rides from shady-looking people, not to accept candy or rope from strangers, and not to throw a brick straight up in the air.

So where do I come in? Why do I need to stay behind and watch them, when they can function by themselves reasonably well? Hell, when my brother and I started staying home alone, we were somewhere around 8 and 10. We have not once grievously injured ourselves while home alone. We've never had shady figures come pounding on our door demanding to see us. Over the years, we learned how to take care of ourselves.

Isn't that the point of raising your damn kids? Teaching them to take care of themselves, instead of making them depend on others to take care of them every hour of the day and night? You've gotta cut the cord sometime, folks. Besides--these kids will be at school (or on the bus ride home) until about 4, and Mum will be home by then.

So what's the point?

(Really, Leiko is just bitter because she can't go to her brother's new hippie town to help him move. She's been looking forward to this for weeks now, and really wanted to see the mountains again. *sulks*)

I always seem to be the one left behind, in whatever it is. I'm being denied the fun of a road-trip to a town that I so desperately want to visit just because of Mum's stupid stepchildren. I'm never the one picked for a team. I'm never the one that's approached at parties or festivals for conversation. I often wonder, when will someone choose me? Me, above everyone else?

That's why I enjoy my dreams so much. In my dreams, I have people who would choose me every time, even if offered someone prettier, smarter, more interesting, or whatever, to hang around with. In my dreams, I'm the winner, but I never am in real life. No matter how hard I try, I'm always somehow rejected--it's just a matter of degree.




Why, hello there, Week of Massive Bleeding. I haven't missed you. D: st00pid unused reproductive system.