Nyaa, I thought I'd finally found a forum full of kindred spirits at HipForums... but they're not. They put down peace and equality and instead rally under the banner of rudeness and anonymous Internet bitchery. I've been observing the forums and I haven't yet found a single person who bothers to promote peace and all of those other old-time hippie values. Some people start out that way on the Protest forum threads, but it all dissolves into "We can't do anything about it. Give it up." Which depresses me very severely.

I wonder if there's anywhere I fit today. I don't fit in in real life, so I looked for somewhere on the Internet to make friends... but I can't find them even there. I think maybe that's why I like music so much. If I listen to nutters like Pete Townshend and John Lennon pondering the same problems... then I don't feel so lonely. I feel like I've got someone who understands, even if I don't know them personally and never will.

I think it's also why I write so many stories and why I sleep so much. In my fantasies and dreams, I've got wonderful, accepting companions who, although they can be gruff or rude sometimes, generally hold up to the principles of peace, equality, and unity. When I sleep, I take these great adventures. While I can and do sometimes go on crazy adventures, I'm always alone in doing them. All I really want is to have these same crazy adventures... with someone who understands at my side. Lonely fulfillment is nothing fulfilling at all.

Maybe I'll go to California... perhaps to Berkeley or San Francisco. By the report from my Intarnetz-friend Hannah, Berkeley would be the perfect place for me. Maybe this March, I'll take my test-trip down to the beach, then I'll move on to bigger and better places... out to the west.

And even if I don't make any friends along the way, I'll at least be among kindred spirits who believe. That's all I want. I want to stop being around cynical, rude, bitter and jaded people who don't believe in anything anymore. That's part of my problem, I suppose--I believe too much and put far too much faith in friendship and love and hope.