I often wonder if there's anywhere for me in the world, or if there's anybody for me.

It seems terribly emo-tacular of me to think so, but sometimes I begin to suspect that I shoulda been dropped off about forty years earlier in time than I was. Like I should've been attending the real Woodstock, hanging out at the Haight, being with other people who believe. You look around the world today and you don't see many people who believe anymore. You don't see many people who Understand, who slow down or stop to enjoy things. The country's almost paved over, and its people are sad and sluggish.

Think that's the source of my various silly fangirlish infatuations with figures of the past, either dead or just old by now. I freely admit that they're silly, yes. Because they ARE. But I haven't many heroes to look toward from my age bracket--not when they've grown up idolizing Nirvana and My Chemical Romance and Green Day. The hopeless generation. It feels strange to be hoping for so much when the rest of your generation expects nothing but demands everything.

I don't want a lot, really--a sunny afternoon to just sit outside and dig it all; a true, loyal, Understanding friend to be with; good music to listen to while we play and dance and be together. That's about it, really. I don't ask for expensive gifts, I don't ask for lavish attention and luxury, I don't ask for worship or praise. I just ask for someone to Understand me--for a bit of love and loyalty.

I think this is the source of my not-so-secret crushes on people like John Lennon and Pete Townshend. They were/are terribly strange people, people who seem like they're lonely madmen, but like they have a deep and intimate understanding of the universe. So I admire that and envy that and wish I could make other people feel as wonderful as their music makes me feel.

Does that make me a weird person? Bet it does.

That's what I want. Not money, not luxury, not material success... just a bit of love from someone who's special.